yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
