dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
