My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
