u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
