I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
