I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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