he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
