Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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