listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
