We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
there is puke in my bra ... again
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