Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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