I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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