hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
