It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
