The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I puked a lego.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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