He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
