sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
