3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
