we're blogging at a bar
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
