shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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