This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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