Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
