I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
