got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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