Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
