do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
