im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
