im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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