youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so let's talk penis.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
