I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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