i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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