I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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