whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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