Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
