no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
