Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
