And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
