Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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