Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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