Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
