I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
