that's an acceptable place to lick
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
