I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
