you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
