I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
