i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
