dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
