his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
