I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
areolas are like halos for boobs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize