we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
