I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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