I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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