Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
