Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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