just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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