You don't have asthma, your pregnant
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
