your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
