he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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