i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
