and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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