After last night, I could never be a politician.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
