I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
