the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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