the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
