I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
