Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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