Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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