He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
