Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
