Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
