I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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