I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
