Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize