That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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