As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
