Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I wish there were birth control emojis
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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