i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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