I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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