i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
