go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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