i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
