Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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