i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
