Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
