I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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