So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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