Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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