I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize