i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
only if we run a train.
done.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
