no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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