Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
